Squirrelflight in Mary-Sue Land
by Invisia
Summary: Inspired by fics such as 'Starkit's Prophecy' and 'Sunshinekit's Destiny'. Squirrelflight makes a wish that life didn't have to be hard, and wonders what it would be like to be perfect for a change. Of course, she never expected to wake up in a badly-crafted plotline surrounded by technicolor cats... Set during Dawn. Rated T because I'm paranoid.
1. The Prophecy

**A/N: **Okay, so recently I've been reading up on some of the WORST fan-fiction in Warriors history (such as Starkit's Prophecy, Sunshinekit's Destiny, and The Beautiful White Lies), and I thought, what would our favourite canon cats think to these? What would their reactions be to these TERRIBLE stories. So, here you have it, the first in the series (because I fully intend on doing more!) _Squirrelflight in Mary-Sue Land! _Of course, unlike all those terrible fics (which, if they are not trollfics, make me weep for humanity) this one will have proper spelling and grammar (thank StarClan!). Well, since this is my longest A/N ever, I'm going to wrap it up now and let you get one with the story!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Warrior Cats, Starkit's Prophecy, Sunshinekit's Destiny, The Beautiful White Lies or any reference I may make to them...

**P.S: **This takes place during _Dawn, _so this really should be called Squirrelpaw in Mary-Sue Land... oh well.

* * *

**Prologue**

**The Prophecy**

* * *

Like cloud shadows drifting over the ground, the Clans trekked in silence across a meadow. Squirrelpaw was grateful that Brambleclaw walked beside her, shielding her from the icy wind. The rain was easing now, but the clouds had been raked into tatters by a thorn-sharp breeze that promised colder weather. Shivering, she looked up and saw a Twoleg nest looming ahead, even bigger than the Great Rock.

The Great Rock. The memory of the great monument upturned sprang, unbidden, into her mind. She fought back a wail. _Everything's changing, _she thought. _Nothing will ever be the same. Why can't anything ever be perfect in my life? Why can't..._

* * *

Six cats sat around a pool, the waters tinged golden. Three of the cats looked mournful, whilst their companions were wriggling with glee.

"The prophesied one has come at last!" a silver she-cat mewed gleefully.

"We have waited a long time for this day," a golden tom agreed.

"You can't take her!" protested a blue-grey she-cat. "She has her own life, her own world- she doesn't need you lot ruining all that!"

"Relax," spoke a second blue-grey she-cat. "We have a good prophecy for her! She will be a great cat!"

"She wont have to deal with any of the hardships your world throws her way," added the silver she-cat.

"She's strong!" hissed a second silver she-cat. "She can do it!"

"Calm yourself, Silverstream," mewed the golden tom. "We will protect her."

The first silver she-cat nodded. "The prophecy is here!"

"When a white-footed warrior enters the world, she will destroy the darkness that consumes the Clan!" hissed the first blue-grey she-cat. "The prophecy has come!"

* * *

**A/N: **You gotta feel sorry for poor Squirrelpaw, don't you think? Anyway, review! Whether you like it or not!


	2. Apprenticed Again

**A/N: **Don't really have much to say up here...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Warriors...

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Apprenticed Again**

* * *

"StarClan will tell us," Squirrelpaw mewed. She glanced at Brambleclaw, but he didn't look up. "Wont they?" She looked at Leafpaw, uncertainty pricking at her paws. Leafpaw dipped her head, but said nothing.

* * *

When Squirrelpaw woke, cold sunlight streamed into the den... wait, _den_? She scrambled upright, looking around. Sure enough, she was in the ThunderClan nursery. _But... it's been abandoned! What in the name of StarClan is going on?_

"Good-morning, Squirrelkit," mewed an unfamiliar voice. Squirrelpaw looked up to see a tortoiseshell she-cat sitting there. However... Her pelt was weird. Squirrelpaw couldn't put her paw on it, but something was up.

"Squirrelkit!" mewed an excited voice. "Are you excited?"

Squirrelpaw looked over to see two toms looking at her. Except... One was blue, and one was gold- like, bright gold. The blue one sported faded amber eyes, whilst the gold one's eyes were purple. Squirrelpaw shook her head.

"Am I... Am I dreaming?" she asked hesitantly, looking between the three unfamiliar cats.

"Nope!" the gold tom piped up, "We're really becoming apprentices today! Can you _believe _it?"

"No," Squirrelpaw answered bluntly. _Okay, I have to be dreaming! _she thought. _I'm already an apprentice!_

"You should be!" the blue kit piped up. "I wonder who your mentor will be? I bet you'll get a good one! Dad always gives the most kawaii cats the best mentors!"

"Kawaii?" Squirrelpaw asked, raising an eyebrow. "What in StarClan's name does THAT mean!"

The cats gaped at her. "Mummy, she- she said the word!" the blue kit stammered.

"Squirrelkit," the tortoiseshell growled, "Where did you learn that word? You shouldn't say that! They're- they're evil!" She lowered her voice to a hiss. "So evil they sent Firestar to destroy the Clans! We chased him out, of course, thank the Dark Forest."

A cold feeling settled in Squirrelpaw's stomach. "Uh, I don't think I like this dream any more. Can I wake up now?"

The tortoiseshell chuckled. "Oh, you're so funny, Squirrelkit! Come on, we have to get you to your ceremony!"

Hesitantly, Squirrelpaw followed the tortoiseshell and the two kits out of the nursery and into the ThunderClan camp. Her heart warmed to see her home, intact, all the cats happy. She recognised several in the crowd- Ashfur, Sorreltail, and... Blackstar? What in StarClan was he doing here? There was Tawnypelt, sitting next to a large black cat who she didn't recognise.

"Waterkit, Sunkit and Squirrelkit, from this day forth, you shall be known as Waterpaw, Sunpaw and Squirrelpaw," boomed a voice. Squirrelpaw looked up to see the speaker, and her heart stopped.

_Tigerstar. _The tabby looked just like his son, except more battle scarred. Squirrelpaw's blood ran cold.

"Creamytail, you shall be mentor to Waterpaw," Tigerstar continued, and from the crowd stepped a creamy-white she-cat with... were those eyes _purple_? Either way, Creamytail touched noses with Waterpaw (the blue tom) and sat down. "Tawnypelt, you shall be mentor to Sunpaw," Tigerstar continued, and Tawnypelt stepped from the crowd to touch noses with Sunpaw. Squirrelpaw sat stiffly, awaiting her verdict.

"Finally, I myself will mentor Squirrelpaw." He leapt down from the High Rock to touch noses with Squirrelpaw. Squirrelpaw winced, trying not to look into Tigerstar's eyes.

_Please, StarClan, _she thought, _I'd like to wake up now._

"Come on," Tigerstar mewed to her, "I'll take you out into the forest."

"Um, yay," Squirrelpaw mewed, trying to act excited. It didn't work. Tigerstar sent her a chilling look.

"We should talk whilst we are out, too. I have something to tell you."

Feeling rather queasy, Squirrelpaw followed Tigerstar out into the forest.

* * *

**A/N: **Uh... is it okay? I've already added in the typical technicolor cats and the hated word, 'kawaii'. Let me know what you think!


	3. Um, Say That Again?

**A/N: **I'm on a roll here, I really am... Also, thanks to my only reviewer for reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **Nooope, don't own Warriors...

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**Um, Say That Again?**

* * *

Squirrelpaw followed Tigerstar to Sunningrocks, where the large tabby commanded her to, "Sit." Hesitantly, she did so.

"You wanted to tell me something?" she asked quietly. Tigerstar nodded.

"What do you know of the story of Firestar?"

"Not much," Squirrelpaw admitted, bewildered. Was Tigerstar going to tell her what had happened to her father?

"Hmm," Tigerstar mewed thoughtfully. "Well, a long time ago, the old leader Bluestar decided to bring a kittypet named Rusty to our Clan. She gave him the name of Firepaw- later Fireheart- and believed him to be our saviour. Now, those-who-must-not-be-named, they guided Fireheart down his long, dark and twisted path. He even tried to force the blames for his crimes on me!" Squirrelpaw growled, extending her claws. _That's because they were your crimes, you fox-hearted scoundrel, not his! _Tigerstar shot her a glance, and she forced herself to keep calm. "I know, I know," he continued, "It's terrible! A couple of seasons before you were born, we defeated him, and sent him running for the hills with his tail between his legs. Now, do you want to know why I am telling you this?"

"Um, yeah," Squirrelpaw mewed, in the way one might say, _Um, duh!_

"I've decided it is time for you to know the truth." He paused, as if for dramatic effect. Squirrelpaw rolled her eyes. "Spottedleaf and I are not your parents. Firestar and Sandstorm are!"

"WHAT?!" Squirrelpaw snarled, raising her head. In this mixed-up dream, she thought _Tigerstar _was her _father_?! And wasn't Spottedleaf dead, anyway? And a medicine cat?

"I know," Tigerstar mewed sadly, mistaking her shock for a reaction to this 'truth' being revealed. "Shocking, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah," Squirrelpaw mewed, slightly breathless.

"Also, Squirrelpaw, since you _aren't _my daughter, may I ask you something?"

"Sure..." Squirrelpaw agreed uneasily, foreboding settling over her.

"Will you be my mate?"

"WHAT?!" Squirrelpaw screeched again. She forced herself to take several deep breaths. "Um, say that again?"

"Will you be my mate?" Tigerstar asked pleasantly, as if _nothing _was wrong with that picture. Which, of course, there _was. Am I missing something here? _she wondered.

"What about Goldenflower?"

"She betrayed me for Firestar," Tigerstar growled. "How do you know about that, anyway?"

"Sasha?" Squirrelpaw mewed hesitantly.

"Who knows where that rogue is?"

"Spottedleaf?"

"She'll be dead by morning," Tigerstar mewed nonchalantly. "So, what do you say?"

"No," Squirrelpaw mewed, leaping to her paws. "No!"

"Why not?" Tigerstar asked in confusion. "It is an honour to be asked. Anyone else would say yes."

"Well, I am not anyone else, I am me!" Squirrelpaw snarled.

"I thought you wanted life to be perfect?" Tigerstar growled, standing up too.

"I do, but-"

"But what?"

"This isn't perfect!" Squirrelpaw yelled. "I should be mates with a cat that I love, and I don't love you!"

"Then who do you love, Squirrelpaw?" Tigerstar asked quietly. By this point, Squirrelpaw wasn't thinking clearly.

"Brambleclaw!" she screeched. "I love Brambleclaw!" Then, she flicked her tail across her mouth, her eyes wide with horror. _What am I saying? _she wondered desperately.

"You can't," Tigerstar told her.

"Oh yeah? Why not?" Squirrelpaw retorted.

"Bramblepaw is dead! He died long before you were even born!"

Squirrelpaw froze, staring in shock. Her whole body felt numb. _Brambleclaw... dead? StarClan, if you can hear me, I'd like to wake up now please! _A bone-chilling thought sprang to mind. _What if this isn't a __dream?_

"So, I'll ask you again, Squirrelpaw," Tigerstar mewed, "Will you be my mate?" He fixed her with a hard stare. "If you know what's good for you, you'll choose the right answer."

"Yes," she choked, a sob raking her body. Tigerstar pressed against her, forcing her tail to entwine with his, resting his muzzle close to her ear.

"Perfect."

* * *

**A/N: **Poor Squirrelpaw! I never get what it is with all these trollfics and pairing characters up with other characters WAY older than them, does anyone else know? Also, review!


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